New and Improved Questions
Geez… What’s with all the questions so far this month?
Question: Unk, are you a metrosexual screenwriter?
Answer: What the fuck is a metrosexual? LOL. Just kidding. I see them everywhere but NOPE. Ain’t one.
Question: Unk, should I go to film school or spend the money on making a film?
Answer: In this economy? Go to film school. Get drunk. Get laid. Get a degree. Just in case.
Question: Unk, how do you come up with high concept ideas?
Answer: Get drunk. Get laid. Come up with high concept ideas.
Question: Unk, will you come speak at my screenwriting group?
Answer: Heads I win — tails you lose.
Question: Unk, do you do drugs?
Answer: I shoot caffeine.
Question: Unk, should I go to the Screenwriting Expo?
Answer: Oh hell yes. Get drunk. Get laid. Learn about screenwriting.
Question: Unk, should I move to Los Angeles?
Answer: Only when you have 5 fucking outstanding screenplays.
Question: Unk, what kind of car do you drive?
Answer: A black one.
Question: Unk, why do movies suck?
Answer: Too many cooks spoil the broth.
Question: Unk, what color are your eyes?
Answer: Bloodshot blue.
Question: Unk, I can’t find your website anymore. Where did it go?
Answer: Uh… You sent this email from my contact form. You tell me.
Question: Unk, did you like District 9?
Answer: I loved it when it was over.
Question: Unk, did you like Inglourious Basterds?
Answer: I was okay with it up til Hitler dies.
Question: Unk, when do come up with your best ideas?
Answer: When I’m driving.
Question: Unk, how come I never see you on Twitter anymore?
Answer: Twitter? Oh yeah. Forgot about Twitter. Uh… All tweeted out.
Question: Unk, when’s your movie coming out?
Answer: The way my luck’s running… Probably NEVER.
Question: Unk, can I work for you?
Answer: Doing what?
Question: Unk, how do I go about getting an agent?
Answer: Get a Producer to refer you.
Question: Unk, can you cool it with the caps?
Answer: You’re kidding… RIGHT?
Question: Unk, what’s your favorite screenwriting book?
Answer: Secrets of Action Screenwriting by Bill Martell Currently out of print but you can buy it on Amazon.
Question: Unk, what’s your favorite movie?
Answer: THE GREAT ESCAPE.
Question: Unk, why should I believe anything you say?
Answer: I’ve never asked anyone to believe what I say so why should I try to convince you?
Question: Unk, are you scary?
Answer: My ex-wife seems to think so.
Question: Unk, why won’t anyone buy my screenplay?
Answer: I don’t know… Does it SUCK?
Question: Unk, red or green?
Answer: Green.
Question: Unk, do you have any tattoos?
Answer: Nope.
Question: Unk, do you believe in God?
Answer: Which God? Your God? My God? The Screenwriting God? LOL. All the above.
Question: Unk, do you listen to music while you write?
Answer: Sometimes.
Question: Unk, are you rich?
Answer: I’m the richest man in Bedford Falls.
Question: Unk, what’s your favorite thing in the world?
Answer: Movies.
Unk
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14 Responses to “New and Improved Questions”
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Since you are the unknown screenwriter, do you were a mask when you write?
I’m torn between this having to be a joke and being really sad.
UNK do you wear your SWAT UNIFORM when you write?
I LOVE CAPS
Clit or Cunt?
An entertaining read.
Actually some good questions and answers here.
Short and concise.
That’s the future of Q&A.
Just curious if you were on Talk Radio, would your answers be short/concise/sweet?
Thats an idea but I have one question for you…
Q. Hi Unk, is it possible for you to create an “Unk-hosted Internet Radio Station” that will take L.A. by storm? Do you believe in Blog Radio?
Unk,
You forgot to ask yourself the question, “If I sit on your lap, will you tell me a story?”
Unk,
Great and Sad posting.
Great because that was funny stuff ;-)
Sad because I gotta feelin’ those were actual questions :-(
Keep Writing!
Mike
LOL. All REAL questions… Even got a couple of new ones today…
Question: Unk, do I really have to use the Courier New font for my screenplay?
Answer: Nope.
Question: Unk, all my screenplays kick ass. Will you help me sell one for a commission?
Answer: Nope.
Spencer,
I only wear a mask when I sleep.
Christian,
It’s friday so let’s make it a joke…
rob,
I only wear my SWAT uniform when I sleep.
Danny,
BOTH!
Phoenix,
Blog Radio? I guess it depends on how the questions were asked. Simple questions — simple answers. Create an Internet radio station? Possible but not probable. I barely have the time for a blog let alone Blog Radio.
E.C.,
Not sure why I would ask MYSELF that question… LOL.
Mike,
Actual questions… Not sad. Just the way of the world these days.
Unk
Unk,
Love this question you posted -
“Question: Unk, all my screenplays kick ass. Will you help me sell one for a commission?
Answer: Nope.”
But what if this guy is only 26 years old
and when he’s 49 years old, he could be the next
Towne or Spike Lee or Guy Ritchie…
You never know.
No tats?
I’m crushed!
Phoenix,
Selling YOUR OWN script is part of the game. We can play WHAT IF ALL DAY LONG.
Josh,
I know, huh? LOL. And to think when I was in the Navy, I was actually a tattoo artist.
And you know what they say… Never trust a tattoo artist who doesn’t have any tattoos.
Unk
I find Twitter fascinating. Never been on it, so I guess I find the idea fascinating. Is it good for writing or writers? I’m a believer that constraint aids creativity, so creating 140 character tweets can be an exercise in creative, concise writing. But on the flip side, how many people use it that way and does Twitter just aid in Internet fueled trend of disposable words that are tossed out there without much thought.
These are the things I think about when I should be thinking about more important things.
I have a problem with Twitter. I tried watching a T.V. show that was on and it featured this new idea from Twitter. It was difficult to watch this show and I had trouble paying attention since I haven’t gone to school in some years. I do believe that stress is a good thing (to handle a job, to keep responsibility going) and it is a bad thing to just not do much.
I think that when you let go of your giant dreams (I had big ones back in ‘05_) and just let God take over that there is hope and there are many things that work out.
I think people of all ages should spell out their words when they write or type (I don’t give a hoot what those shortened letters mean :) ). I had great teachers and great people who cared more about what you knew and what you kept stimulated in your mind.
Following a great cause is an awesome thought. . . and just now I realize that people need Him and His Word.
And there are things like hypocrisy and all of that stuff. . . and that is all a part of life.
Hoping that didn’t sound like Joel Osteen,
chris
P.S. I should eat these words.
I have a question, Unk. How are you doing?
God bless people like Brad Pitt and other celebrities who people look down on yet they work to help the poor, feed the unfortunate, and just show a light that if it isn’t God’s light I can’t think of a better hero than Christ.
These people REALLY CARE. Others who read the darn gossip magazines think that they are just driving big limos when the cameras turn away . . . but that is not true AT ALL.
If people saw the things that happen in other countries and just how bad things get (Haiti, China, others) they will rethink and start going “Hey. . . I love my family; I want to see them and hang out with them again. I love you Mom or Dad.”
God loves these people, these people that wake up and have absolutely nothing to eat. . . or they get beat down in the street because the government decides how they live or breathe.
God wants people to follow Him. He has a gentle, fair way to show people that He loves them. I wanted so bad to go to a country where a person was put up for adoption just because she had cancer (JUST BECAUSE. . . how heartbreaking is that. . . .?_). He loves all dearly and his burden is light when people follow Him.
Give a hug to people in your family. If you don’t think they love you, they do– they just are too embarrassed to say so. Jesus loved His people and He loves YOU.
He died for you.
Hey Unk, I just shot up some coffee :) . . .
Chris