31 Responses to “Late night - early morning ramblings of being tagged…”

1. Joshua James on Thursday: 12 April 2007|0610

   Jesus, now I gotta think of five things I can actually tell people that won’t get me arrested?

   I’m gonna have to think about this all day!

   Actually, animals seem to love me, too . . . cat, dog, lizard, doesn’t matter, I walk into a room, the jump up on my lap, which is great when it’s a puggle, little disconcerting when it’s an anaconda . . .

   Thanks for the tag, Unk, I’ll post it tonight . . .

   Hey, we need to catch up sometime, ya hibernatin’ bear, ya!

2. Joshua James on Thursday: 12 April 2007|0859

   Oh, I wondered . . . don’t ya think Number one might be related to number two?

   Not that I disagree . . . the guy who hits first and hits smart usually wins the fight!

3. emily blake on Thursday: 12 April 2007|1056

   Wow. That’s all I need to know. Let’s get married.

   Just kidding. Or am I?

4. MaryAn on Thursday: 12 April 2007|1120

   Joshua, number one COULD be related to number 5….

   Sorry, Unk.

5. suburban screenwriter on Thursday: 12 April 2007|1200

   Man did we have to go there…I was just trying to forgot that whole nasty thing :.P

6. Ann Wesley Hardin on Thursday: 12 April 2007|1354

   Oh man. I’ve already done a gazillion of these things. BUT since YOU asked I’ll get to it. I’ll GET to it!

   LOL @ MaryAn. My fingers are itching to make a dirty comment here. Stop me. Stop me!

7. MaryAn on Thursday: 12 April 2007|1511

   Ann, it’s about a horse, isn’t it? Stop. No, wait. Uh, yeah. Stop.

8. Unk on Thursday: 12 April 2007|1512

   Josh,

   Maybe a couple of those times… LOL.

   emily,

   I don’t know… Are you? I don’t domesticate well. LOL. I like to piss outside.

   MaryAn,

   See what Special K and green tea will do to you?

   Suburban Screenwriter,

   Tell us more… LOL.

   Ann,

   No need for dirty comments… Hell, I’m still thinkin’ about you being on all fours…

   While giving birth that is…

   Unk

9. Unk on Thursday: 12 April 2007|1514

   MaryAn,

   What else are you stickin’ in that green tea?

   Unk

10. suburban screenwriter on Thursday: 12 April 2007|1531

    I seemed to have painted myself in a corner I didnt want to be in so…I plead the 5th…plausable deniability all that good stuff…

11. Unk on Thursday: 12 April 2007|1540

    SS,

    Evasion extraordinaire… Keep it up. LOL.

    Unk

12. Ann Wesley Hardin on Thursday: 12 April 2007|1551

    Ah. Did I mention the moaning and head tossing? No? Nevermind.

13. Daily Dojo of Joshua James » Blog Archive » 5 Things You Didn’t Know About Me . . . on Thursday: 12 April 2007|1902

    [...] here we go . . . Unk Done Tagged Me with this deal called a meme or something . . . I’m supposed to share with y’all five [...]

14. Poke on Thursday: 12 April 2007|1946

    I call BS on #3. There’s no such thing as a “grossly underpaid professional football player.” There mere suggestion of it threatens existence as we know it.

    Poke

15. Mystery Man on Thursday: 12 April 2007|2032

    Ahh, that was fun.

    Tag me anytime.

    Hehehe…

    -MM

16. Unk on Friday: 13 April 2007|0005

    Poke,

    You got me…

    Unk

17. Ann Wesley Hardin on Friday: 13 April 2007|0820

    Clive’s the only one who hasn’t played yet. Get with the program, Clive! We know you’re awake over there.

    BTW, gimmeabreak exposed the real Mystery Man in comments. What a freakin’ hoot.

18. Guillermo on Friday: 13 April 2007|1354

    Small world. I used to jump out helicoptors too. Well, except for that last time…it crashed and I broke damn near every bone in my body.

19. Unk on Friday: 13 April 2007|1656

    Guillermo,

    Contrary to popular belief, there doesn’t need to be any blood in the water to make the sharks come investigate when you crash in the ocean…

    We’re just trespassers. They’re the security.

    Unk

20. Guillermo on Friday: 13 April 2007|1709

    In my case it was a jungle, but the principle is the same.

21. Unk on Friday: 13 April 2007|1730

    Guillermo,

    Ah yes… I’ve done a few jungles myself. Mostly desert and water but jungles are nice. lots of places to hide.

    Unk

22. Ann Wesley Hardin on Friday: 13 April 2007|1831

    And get all sorts of weird infections…

    Hey Unk, I can’t imagine any of us being bored with the details of your imprisonment. Come on, we’re sharing here.

23. Ann Wesley Hardin on Friday: 13 April 2007|2131

    Okay. I’m pissed in more ways than one.

    Checking in one last time before beddy bye. Why? Because freakin’ frackin’ FeedBurner screwed me again. It teased me for a whole week by delivering comments to my gmail addy. And now, when it’s got me hooked and quivering for a fix, what does it do?

    Withdraw.

    I hate this shit.

    Looks like your hits will skyrocket again, Unk.

24. Unk on Saturday: 14 April 2007|1616

    Ann,

    I really feel terrible about all the trouble you’re experiencing… Weird because I subscribe to the feedburner feed as well and I’m not getting the same problems…

    So to make you feel better, I’ll go ahead and share with you, the FIRST time I went to jail…

    I was 17.

    It was a Saturday night in a very small mountain town with absolutely fucking NOTHING to do.

    And we of course needed BEER.

    LOTS OF BEER.

    Well with the way MY MIND worked way back then, I was always sizing things up — checking things out and there was this little general store in town where everyone went to get their essentials…

    I had cased it quite a few times in the past but never did anything with that information… But this night was different.

    WE NEEDED BEER.

    So my two friends come by my house that evening but they have another guy with ‘em… His name was Nick. Nick was a few years older than the rest of us… It turns out that Nick was the cousin of my two friends who were brothers…

    So I jump inside the old ‘61 International Scout and we all go drivin’ around lookin’ for trouble… After about an hour of drivin’ and not finding any trouble, we realize something…

    WE NEED BEER.

    So I tell my two buddies and their cousin that I CAN GET BEER.

    I quickly persuade them to drive me up to the general store which they do…

    I tell them to just stay parked down the road with the lights off and I’ll be back…

    WITH BEER.

    Now retelling this story today, I feel really bad because of course I knew the owner of the store… But as I said…

    WE NEEDED BEER.

    So I slinked my way into the night… Up against the building and slid up under a certain window I had seen cracked an inch quite often. I had always kept it in the back of my head that if this window was often cracked an inch or two, the owner might very well not even be locking it… Besides, everyone in town who needed beer was obviously paying for it. LOL.

    I pulled my jacket off and used it to cover up my hands and fingertips and laid it against the window… Underneath a panel frame and pushed up.

    And guess what?

    The window slid up!

    BEER!

    I pushed it all the way up and easily climbed in through the now open window. There was enough moonlight shining in through other windows and since my eyes had already adjusted, I made my way in through the store trying to be quiet as possible since the store also doubled as the owner’s residence.

    In about 30 seconds, I find myself in front of the counter… I slide under the counter top door and am now standing behind the counter…

    I ease my way back to the walk-in fridge… I open it and a light comes on but it’s so dim, I don’t worry about it.

    I look around and I am tempted to take the GOOD STUFF because hey…

    WE NEED BEER.

    But on several tall stacks of beer cases in the back, I notice 4 cases of a cheaper beer called BUCKHORN… I quickly think to myself, “He’ll never even miss those…”

    So I take the top two cases of BUCKHORN beer off the stack, back out of the fridge, close the door and exit without waking anyone up and yes, I even closed the window behind me; again, using my jacket.

    I stay in the shadows all the way back to the Scout… I even scare my buddies and their cousin when I knock on the window… They open the door and of course I am now the big hero because…

    WE HAVE BEER.

    We now just need a place to drink it…

    We decide to head off to a local lake. Now remember, this is November and we have light snow on the ground and NOBODY will be at this lake.

    We make our way down there… We even had to put the Scout into 4 wheel drive to make it.

    We take the beer and some sleeping bags that were in the back of the Scout and head to a camping spot. There just happened to be some old campfire wood laying there so of course we made ourselves a nice warm fire.

    Ahhh… The four of us kicking back enjoying our cans of BUCKHORN… Ahhh. It was THE LIFE. We talked and talked and told stories and cracked jokes and got fucking smashed…

    Then fell asleep.

    You’re probably wondering how the hell I wound up in jail? After all… It was the perfect crime, right? LOL.

    Nope.

    I remember waking up in a slightly drunken stupor… It was DAWN. As I wake up, I start looking around the camp site…

    Packs of cigarettes… Several lengths of Hard salami. Canned food. Postage stamps (thus making it a federal offense I might add because the general store also doubled as the post office), MORE BEER.

    Beer I hadn’t taken.

    Candy… Bread. Mayonnaise, mustard, pickles…

    You name it, and IT was laying all over the fucking ground…

    I crawl outta my bag and look around fucking CONFUSED as hell…

    I wake my two friends up… They rub their eyes in DISBELIEF and get pissed off at me!

    Why?

    Because I’d obviously stolen the Scout and gone back to the store and ransacked the place…

    Nope.

    But their cousin had… LOL.

    He straggles out of his bag and picks up a can of Hormel chili with beans and starts opening it with his pocket knife…

    I said, “Hey motherfucker… Did you go back and take all this shit?”

    “Yeah,” he said…

    I went fucking ballistic… I jumped him right there and we fought like two crazy men… He even slashed me with his knife but I got it away from him and continued to beat his ass…

    My two buddies pulled me off him and we started to really consider what the fuck we were going to do… At that point, I hadn’t yet seen any postage stamps… LOL.

    Now we’re all stressed out and Nick and I are bloody messes…

    We sit down and think about our situation… We decide to burn the stamps and then gather up all the contraband and hide it.

    We do just that… We gather everything up, and drive the hell out of the lake.

    We take a dirt road about a quarter mile behind my two friends’ home — stop — start taking all the stolen loot into the woods… Apparently, my two buddies already have a hiding place there.

    Cool.

    We take several loads into the woods, hide everything in an area where my two buddies have been hiding things from their parents for years… LOL.

    On our return from the hiding spot, we head back to the Scout to find a local deputy sheriff holding 3 cans of Olympia that we had apparently MISSED.

    It turns out that this deputy sheriff was staking out the back road because of some guy who lived in the area that had a warrant out for his arrest for growing marijuana… He just HAPPENED to be there on an early Sunday morning… LOL.

    He was actually TRYING to be nice to us… i.e., he just made us empty the 3 beers… Then he walked away and we were FREE.

    My friends drove me back home — dropped me off. They went back home after dropping me off. Apparently, we all went to sleep.

    Several hours later, there was yet another deputy sheriff knocking on the door of my little arctic tent. Yeah, that’s what I lived in at 17. The kind the Army used to put up in extreme cold weather.

    I open the door and of course he pulls his pistol on me and tells me to turn around — hands behind my head.

    I oblige him… LOL.

    He reads me my rights, tells me to get a shirt on — then promptly handcuffs me.

    We drive down past the store and I see several other deputy sheriff vehicles parked there…

    I still don’t know how I ended up in this deputy sheriff’s vehicle… ARRESTED.

    That is not until I get to the county jail and get booked… LOL.

    It turns out that Nick stole a car to get to his cousins’ (my two buddies) house. It turns out that Nick drove that car off a cliff before showing up at his cousins’ house. It turns out that Nick not only ransacked the general store, but he woke up the entire family and ended up slapping the owner around.

    The ONLY thing that saved the 3 of us was the fact that we were all under 18 at the time… Unfortunately, Nick was 19 and they weren’t so easy on him… And by the way, my two BUDDIES and Nick blamed it all on me and they were the ones that told the deputy sheriff that I was involved.

    By easy, I mean that I was put on probation for the next 3 years… I had to pay restitution for EVERYTHING that was stolen… Because I was on supervised probation, I had to meet with my probation officer every two weeks and since I had no transportation, I had to hitchhike to make that meeting except on days where I was already at school.

    But then I had to hitchike back home after the meeting anyway… LOL. Home was 67 miles away and if you weren’t in a certain area by a certain time of the evening, you were walking the next 20 plus miles because nobody was ever on the road.

    I did a lot of walking during those 3 years… LOL.

    Unk

25. suburban screenwriter on Saturday: 14 April 2007|1940

    there’s a movie in there somewhere…cool story Unk.

26. Clive on Sunday: 15 April 2007|0556

    EEK!

    Sorry, will get with the programme and have something posted in the next hour or so.

27. Clive on Sunday: 15 April 2007|0605

    Confessions done, now all I have to do is get some friends!

    Damn!

28. Ann Wesley Hardin on Sunday: 15 April 2007|0635

    Wow. I’m gonna complain about FeedBurner more often! And you know about subliminal advertising, don’t you? It’s Sunday morning and guess what? I need BEER. LOL.

    If I didn’t have a shitload of worse things to do this week, I’d try out some other feeds. It might actually be a gmail problem–I’ve had some funky crap problems with them too once in a while. Ah well, a procrastination tool to use later on. Gotta have those.

29. Joshua James on Sunday: 15 April 2007|0749

    Unk,

    Great fucking story . . . except for the mountains, it reminded me a lot of growing up in Iowa . . . and it was a really good thing you burned those stamps - LOL!

30. Caroline on Saturday: 28 April 2007|2339

    Hey Unk,

    Thanks for playing along … just noticed you actually did it. Very interesting stuff! But I agree with Joshua, items one and two may indeed have a corollary.

    Sorry I’ve been absent of late … travel, and currently a raging case of bronchitis, have cut into my blogging/online time. Doesn’t mean I love you any less, just, well, in smaller doses and slightly less frequently ;-)

    Life gets less complicated in a couple of weeks so I’ll be ’round these parts more regular-like.

    Cheers
    Caroline

31. Susan P. on Tuesday: 12 August 2008|2300

    Amusing. Mind you, do all you guys absolutely trust what people say in such lists? Maybe I’m just a cynic. ;-0

    Of the items you listed I like the animals one the most because I can relate to it. I have a wild bird that will fly down and stand next to me if I am leaning on the balcony and when I was young my parents had a nanny goat that would follow me and lay down and put its head in my lap.

    One of the things people would not know about me at all was that I used to hustle pool to help me pay for food when I first went to college. I’ve not played in the ensuing 30 years but back then hunger was a real driver for improving skill! And I did smash a beer glass on a guy’s foot for not conceding the table was mine. Temper temper. :)

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