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Eavesdropping on subtext…

Right here right now. I’m at my favorite little slurping on a cup ‘o joe. This particular coffee shop has a back room that I really enjoy. It’s actually more like a long, wide hallway. There’s four tables back here. I always sit at the one in the very back so I can be the

So two tables in front of me is this guy who’s apparently a for a local university. Probably a good guess on my part since the guy towers over quite a few people even when he’s sitting down. Across from him is a pretty young woman pretty much making an ass out of herself… LOL.

Why? She’s laughing at every joke… Brushing things off his face. Stroking his hands. Taking his ballcap off of him and placing it on her head… You know… The usual..

Now why would I call her an ass? Well, these two are being so damn loud that I can’t help but overhear every single word and apparently, this is in fact their very first meeting. Pretty heavy for a first meeting but I guess I’m too

I’m trying to ignore them and work on this rewrite but they are definitely making it difficult for me because they are just a little too loud. Normally, I’d ask them to tone it down a bit but just as I’m about to do so, another pretty young woman walks back here and notices these two sitting together…

Then she strolls over to their table… Pretty much IGNORING the pretty young woman that’s already sitting there…

Here’s what I’m hearing…

INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT

MR. BASKETBALL sits across from MISS FLIRT as MISS INTERESTED stops by their table.

                    MISS INTERESTED
            Hey, saw the game the other night.
            You were awesome!

Mr. Basketball snags his ballcap off Miss Flirt’s head — secures it on his own.

                    MR. BASKETBALL
            I really was, wasn’t I?

Miss Flirt INTERRUPTS:

                    MISS FLIRT
                (to Miss Interested)
            And you are?

                    MISS INTERESTED
                (to Mr. Basketball)
            You never called me.

                    MR. BASKETBALL
            You never gave me your number.

Miss Interested snatches the PEN propped between Miss Flirt’s ear and head. She gently grasps Mr. Basketball’s wrist — stares right into his eyes as she pushes his long sleeve up to his bicep.

Miss Flirt’s jaw DROPS.

Miss Interested pops the pen with her thumb — scrawls her phone number down in the middle of Mr. Basketball’s arm. Then draws a HEART around the number.

                    MISS FLIRT
                (to Miss Interested)
            Excuse me?

Miss Interested slowly pulls Mr. Basketball’s sleeve back down over his arm — replaces the pen on Miss Flirt:

                    MISS INTERESTED
                (to Miss Flirt)
            You’re excused.

Miss Interested turns — exits the back room while Mr. Basketball (and I) tilt our heads to observe her walking away.



Whew… Good stuff. You couldn’t write it any better… LOL. Okay, so I made up the heart. I couldn’t help it.

Unk

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Tuesday: 17 October 2006|2019|Under Uncategorized

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Comments

11 Responses to “Eavesdropping on subtext…”

  1. The Moviequill on Wednesday: 18 October 2006|0757

    Those types of chicks always end up being so timid in bed anyway… or so I hear ha. I’d love to share a java with you there one day, Unk (mark my words, it’l happen)

  2. Jutratest on Wednesday: 18 October 2006|0837

    Hahahaha - At least you admit making it up.

  3. MaryAn on Wednesday: 18 October 2006|0956

    Ah, people watching is such good inspiration for dialogue and situational comedy. You got a gift dropped right in your lap. Sorry it wasn’t Miss Interested.

  4. Unk on Wednesday: 18 October 2006|1525

    MaryAn,

    Not a problem… Wasn’t interested in Miss Interested but didn’t mind observing her exit.

    So sue me. LOL.

    Unk

  5. Unk on Wednesday: 18 October 2006|1843

    Jutratest,

    Only the HEART… Everything else is true. Cross my heart.

    Unk

  6. pooks on Wednesday: 18 October 2006|2029

    Okay, that’s priceless.

    Who was hotter, Flirt or Interested?

  7. pooks on Wednesday: 18 October 2006|2030

    Ooops, I mean, I know who was hotter by attitude — but with their mouths shut and just looks to go by, who would have been?

  8. Unk on Wednesday: 18 October 2006|2205

    Pooks,

    Miss Interested was definitely hotter. She had it ALL goin’ on… LOL.

    But in the end, I would have rather gotten another page or two completed.

    Unk

  9. Dante Kleinberg on Saturday: 21 October 2006|0037

    That’s why I don’t meet my writing partner in coffee shops anymore. Well, okay, not EXACTLY that… but the noise! My god the noise! Why are all cell phones tuned so we can hear both sides of the conversation?

  10. Poke on Saturday: 21 October 2006|1557

    Throw in a talking monkey and you got yourself a good scene.

    They never expect a talking monkey.

    Poke

  11. Ann Wesley Hardin on Tuesday: 31 October 2006|1910

    You know, I’d love to see a hot guy do that to a girl–heart and all.

    Int. coffee shop–early morning

    MS. EROTIC ROMANCE WRITER sits across from MR.CUTIE as MR. HOTTIE stops by their table.

    MR. HOTTIE
    Hey, read the book the other night.
    It was awesome!

    Ms. EROTIC ROMANCE WRITER snags a JOCK STRAP off MR. CUTIE’S head — secures it on HER CROTCH.

    MS. EROTIC ROMANCE WRITER
    I really was, wasn’t I?

    Need I say more?

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