Common Screenwriting Mistakes Part 4…
Posted on July 10, 2006
Filed Under Mistakes
In No Discernible Order… The last of everything I can think of…
Derivative story…
No I do not want to read (or watch) DIE HARD ON A CRUISE SHIP, DIE HARD AT NASCAR, DIE HARD AT COLLEGE, DIE HARD ON A FISHING BOAT, DIE HARD SET IN THE 30s, DIE HARD IN THE OLD WEST, DIE HARD IN A SHOPPING MALL, DIE HARD IN YOUR BACK YARD, DIE HARD AT THE SCREENWRITING EXPO, DIE HARD IN OUTER SPACE, DIE HARD IN THE FUTURE, DIE HARD IN A HOSTEL (oh yeah, they did that one), DIE HARD ON EBAY, DIE HARD ON A BLOG, DIE HARD IN YOUR FACE.
Whew, glad I got that off my chest and even though I did, I know there’s a lot of people out there writing those screenplays anyway… LOL.
It’s okay to think of DIE HARD when you’re coming up with a high concept idea for your next screenplay but don’t simply have your characters do the same things the characters in DIE HARD did… BORING. We’ve seen it before. I actually had a screenwriter recently give me a screenplay that he busted his ass on for the last year and as he hands it to me he says, DIE HARD ON A CRUISE SHIP.
Dude, are you fucking kidding me?
No, he wasn’t. I read it. It was brutal. I’ve never experienced a migraine headache before this but WOW. This fucking thing was KILLING ME. I finished it like the good little trooper I am and promptly set fire to it.
It was windy that particular day and because this guy also used those cheap-ass OfficeMax/Staples brads that fall apart (ACCO #5 - 1ΒΌ inch brads PUHLEEZE! And while you’re at it, spring for the Acco Round-Head Solid Brass Washers too!), the pages were already loose but my migraine immediately went away as the wind responded and took all 126 burning pages into the air. It was a site to see…
Watching the burning pages fly away made me think of DIE HARD ON BURNING SCREENPLAY PAGES…
Pretty cool.
Taking the EASY way out…
Yeah, you heard me… Why do you set up such an elaborate and amazing plot only to simply end it with somebody getting shot?
Please SHOOT ME INSTEAD!
Or how about this? No ending at all! Yeah, they’re out there… Screenplays that do not end. Are you hoping for that sequel by not ending your story? Well, I’m hear to tell ya… You gotta have the first movie made before you can have a sequel… LOL.
Cheating the page count…
Hey, I understand. Screenwriting is hard work. Way too fucking hard to get EVERYTHING in at 110 pages and shit, I have this handy-dandy screenwriting program that allows me to literally FUCK with every aspect of the format i.e., margins, space between each line… Whatever. I paid over $200 for this fucking program so I might as well cheat the format with it. LOL.
Go ahead.
If you don’t think we can spot that from a mile a way, you are sadly mistaken but having said that… If you’re going to use that utility, only cheat everything by a HAIRLINE! At least start out with a hairline measurement and see where that takes you but I can’t tell you how many screenplays are way too tight and when you actually read them, YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE WHY THEY CHEATED.
My personal method of cheating is as follows…
Start your screenplay with 2 spaces below the Slug line before you start your description/action lines… Write the entire screenplay with this measurement. If you finish at 110 pages, OUTFUCKINGSTANDING! If you run a little long, change those 2 empty spaces to 1 and see where you’re at.
Works every time.
Rant over.
Unk
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21 Responses to “Common Screenwriting Mistakes Part 4…”
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I was actually pitched an idea “DIE HARD IN A SUB”, no joke, to turn into a movie. You know who pitched it? The bigshots at WB who made the franchise in the first place. What the hell do you do then? You say - GREAT FUCKING IDEA. Then you go back to your room and rock back and forth for a few days trying to figure out how to turn it inside out, and backside in, until you’re turned inside out. In the end, I figured something out, and pitched it. Did they like it? We’re still waiting word…
…and my last word. Very much like the two space trick - very clever. I may try that! The thing about adjusting the margins, is you may get used to the cheat and forget about it. Then when you sell it, the studio will put it through their own script services to get it into their database for printing it - and they will use standard formatting, undoing your cheat. Happened to a friend years ago who sold his script at 122 pages, it went through the system, and came out at 153 pages. There was a bit of hell to pay or that one. (’can you just cut 30 pages - in addition to all these other notes?…)
http://www.screenwriterbones.blogspot.com
Philip Morton: Hey, I hear ya… When you’re already in the business you gotta do what you gotta do to put food on the table.
On the other hand… You said it yourself… i.e., you’re figuring out how to turn it inside out and backside in. That’s the only way to approach such a project.
Of course I’m talking more about SPEC scripts here but I will admit… If someone wants to send me the SPEC, DIE HARD AT AN ALL GIRL SCHOOL, I just might give it a read. LOL. The point being… DIE HARD is an awesome movie and changed the face of action films… Very infuential but even so, you don’t want to have people read your spec or watch your film and REALIZE you just basically copied the DIE HARD concept.
You owe it yourself, your writing, and US, the audience to do what Philip says (I love this description), figure out how to turn it inside out and backside in, until you’re turned inside out… Well said!
Unk
Die Hard In A Blog… love it
Isn’t “DIE HARD ON A CRUISE SHIP” just SPEED 2? Isn’t the first SPEED really just “DIE HARD ON A BUS?”
Either way, i read the SPEED script a few weeks back. It was quite a fun read. I wish I wrote that one.
Over at ‘The House Next Door’ there’s a great analysis of ‘Die Hard’ July 9…
http://mattzollerseitz.blogspot.com/
(sorry, I haven’t figured out how to link to an article/post yet)
At any rate, I have a hard time believing that a film made almost 20 years ago is still the industry standard for high concept action pic shorthand.
What’s some more recent examples (The Matrix in a… ; Pitch Black in a… ) or do they even exist?
Twixter Scripter: You’re absolutely correct… DIE HARD ON A CRUISE SHIP is SPEED 2 hence, the link to IMDB. I figured everybody knows DIE HARD ON A BUS is SPEED so I didn’t include it but the real reason I didn’t include it was because the movie is GOOD. The screenplay is even better than the movie in my humble opinion.
When I watched HOSTEL at the theater on opening night, I didn’t immediately think, DIE HARD IN A HOSTEL but it did come to me a little later… So if you do try to reinvent that concept, do it in a way that we absolutely won’t watch your movie and say it’s a rip off of DIE HARD yada yada yada…
My point being that a lot of people still try to break in with DIE HARD yada yada yada and unless you’ve done what Philip says in the first comment here i.e., figure out how to turn it inside out, and backside in, until you’re turned inside out… Don’t bother.
Love that expression… LOL.
Unk
wcdixon: DIE HARD analysis… I will read it over some time today… I read every DIE HARD analysis I can because it was such an influence on the ACTION MOVIE genre. Bill Martell also has an outstanding analysis over at:
http://www.scriptsecrets.net/articles/diehard.htm
Worth reading…
Recent examples include THE MATRIX of course… GLADIATOR spawned a lot of similar films but not purely an action film.
Not many other recent examples that have been influential to the genre.
Unk
Hostel was half PORKY’S IN EUROPE (first half) half DIE HARD IN A HOSTEL (last half). I liked the first half…well, I liked what I was looking at in the first half — but the second half was as bad as DIE HARD ON A CRUISE SHIP or even DIE HARD WITH A PLAYBOY PLAYMATE.
Poke
Yeah, I was a little disappointed.
I was hoping for a lot more, STORYWISE. It took quite a while to get to the gist of the story… We stayed in the Hero’s ordinary world for what seemed like forever i.e., drugs and sex.
I had “heard” that HOSTEL was pretty graphic but I’ve definitely seen worse.
My favorite part of the film are the scenes with the children gang. They are pretty horrific. The children in the gang were a lot creepier than any of the other characters.
The two things I really hated about this film were the two coincidences:
1) As Paxton makes his getaway in the car, he drives down this street but the end is blocked by a delivery van.
TENSION!
Paxton honks the horn like crazy so the driver will move the van… The driver obliges and drives away…
BAM!
Driving the van away reveals Natalya, Svetlana, and Alex talking in the middle of the street. These are the three characters who set up Paxton, Josh, and Oli.
Paxton gets some payback by running all three of them down so even though this is a huge convenience and coincidence all rolled into one, it happens so quickly that the audience didn’t seem to mind.
Good to know…
2) Paxton makes his way aboard a train to get away from Slovakia and while he’s sitting down in his seat, he overhears The Dutch Businessman talking the same smack he told the three backpackers earlier in the film…
Paxton follows The Dutch Businessman off the train and into a men’s restroom and cuts off some of his fingers and drowns him in a toilet.
Normally, you don’t want more than ONE huge coincidence in your screenplay, IF THAT. Chances are that had you or I written that kind of shit, a reader would’ve slung it back to us with a PASS.
One OKAY.
Not TWO.
Which goes to show you that having friends in high places like Quentin Tarantino means you can break some of the rules…
Unk
Shane Black’s Lethal Weapon was bandied about as the go-to example of buddy movies too (a/la Die Hard) and don’t forget Being John Malkovich, Memento and Fight Club for “out there” styles
BTW, each morning I search the blogs for “screenwriting” posts and some dude on a poker website is giving you kudos
http://pokedom.blogspot.com/2006/07/unknown-screenwriter.html
Completely agree. On both the kid gang and the coincidences.
I groaned at the Train coincidence. But looking back both were really a piss poor way to set up revenge.
Did you feel like the protagonist was actually Josh through the first half and then Paxton after Josh’s death? That to me made it feel like two movies in one, more than anything else. I remember feeling like WOLF CREEK took forever to get to the gist of the story, but I never felt like it was two movies in one because the protagonists were the girls and we stayed with them throughout the flick.
What did you think about the eyeless girl’s sacrifice at the train station? Unnecessary and stupid? That was my thought. “Hey, you went to a lot of trouble and risked your life to save mine, let me repay you by killing myself because I can not bear the thought of life with a melted face.”
Poke
wcdixon: Read the DIE HARD analysis… Pretty damn good! Thanks!
MovieQuill: That Poker Dude is leaving comments!
Poker Dude: I would agree with the Josh assessment of being the Protagonist but in reality, a feeble attempt at misdirection.
I’ve given the Japanese girl’s decision to throw herself in front of the train a great deal of thought…
I do not personally know any Japanese girls nor am I extremely familiar with their culture however, a little research has lead me to make the assessment that this character took her own life because she was now considered WORTHLESS within her own culture. Yes, her family would still love her but without a complete face, she becomes worthless i.e., she might as well SPARE any man (or anyone else for that matter) from even having to deal with or LOOK at her. I do not believe she killed herself because of her own vanity…
I also agree it was thrown in there for shock value but to me, it worked. Unnecessary? Probably. LOL. But in fact, out of everything in the movie, I thought that little bit of screenwriting was probably the most authentic.
Problem is that at the same time, it wasn’t set up properly for us to understand WHY she did it. They could have EASILY written in a set up that would have explained her decision to kill herself and we would have bought it.
The only reason I’m okay with it NOW is because of a little research I did later so I know exactly what you mean…
Unk
My blog ain’t about Poker. It’s about me (Poke) and my attempt to write the best screenplay ever. It’s a good thing to, cause I stink at poker (I less than stink at screenwriting). I am usually the first person out of the game simply because I always try to bluff my way to big money — this is because I never get a good hand. Strike that — I once got pocket aces, but everyone else got extremely bad hands so they folded — I ended up with a pot of about four dollars. Hooray!!!
Man, you’re good Unk. As I was reading about the research you did, it was brewing in my mind to come back with the “they didn’t set it up” battle cry. But you bested me. I bow humbly before your feet, sword offered, awaiting your final blow. Godbye cruel world.
Poke
Final blow: GO WRITE THE BEST SCREENPLAY EVER!
Unk
I want to see someone try to pull off DIEHARD meets TWISTER. Of course, when they hear that it blows, they’ll think it’s a good thing. I love being delusional.
Hmmm. DIE HARD meets TWISTER.
I LIKE IT!
John McClane and Holly’s kids are all growed up now and decide to have a family reunion in a little town in the middle of the Texas Badlands.
Because of a massive influx of cold airstreams in the middle of July, hundreds and hundreds of tiny little dust devils are zipping around everywhere and eventually puttering out…
But the reunion MUST GO ON!
Holly shows up with her new husband, the reporter she smacked in the first DIE HARD and John shows up with a blonde stripper in red high heels.
John does everything but fuck the stripper on the picnic table just to make Holly jealous…
Holly’s husband however, wants to do a series of articles on McClane and all the outlandish events he’s been involved in over the years…
Holly and the stripper get together and compare bedroom notes and Holly finds out that John ain’t the man he used to be and that John is always calling the stripper Holly right in the middle of sex.
What nobody notices however, is how the 110 degree heat has slowly turned into a blustery cold front… All the other picnics have shut down, packed it in and left for the day…
Only the McClane reunion is left.
Before they know it, they are totally surrounded by giant F4 and F5 tornados with hundreds of small F2 and F3 tornados in between and all closing in on them…
MCCLANE
Come out to the badlands, we’ll get
together, have a few laughs…
FADE OUT.
Unk
I wrote DIE HARD IN A SUB over a decade ago for HBO - called CRASH DIVE.
Here’s my take on the whole DIE HARD IN A….
http://www.scriptsecrets.net/articles/d-h-ina.htm
- Bill
Bill,
Outstanding take as usual! I think it’s GREAT to be able to take the DIE HARD concept and use it as a foundation for an idea and or new concept…
But as you state in your HIGH CONCEPT IS MY CONCEPT script secret, the TRICK is turn that idea around so that we don’t IMMEDIATELY recognize it as “DIE HARD IN A ____________.”
By the way… I only saw part of CRASH DIVE once on HBO… Wasn’t there a chick on board that sub?
Unk
Thanks to HBO… they required a sex scene. I wrote it so it could easily be cut when they realized how stupid it was… only they didn’t remove it.
Welcome to Hollywood.
- Bill
Ah… That would explain it. As a matter of fact, I think I either read that in your book, SECRETS OF ACTION SCREENWRITING (highly recommended reading) or on your site somewhere…
Did living in Concord and near the old Mare Island help with research or did you have to start from scratch?
Thanks for stopping by!
Unk