Chasing the process
It occurred to me very recently that I’ve got an addiction.
An addiction to the PROCESS of screenwriting. I recently completed a rewrite and turned it in and now I’m sitting here WANTING MORE. This is a new feeling for me in that I’ve never been addicted to anything before. I’ve known people that were/are addicted to many things… LOL. Drugs, alchohol, sex… You name the vice — I probably know somebody addicted to it.
So I’m looking up the definition of addiction and here’s what I found…
- the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
- Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance: a drug used in the treatment of heroin addiction.
- The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.
- being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming.
- an abnormally strong craving.
And of course, my favorite:
- A physical or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, such as a drug or alcohol. In physical addiction, the body adapts to the substance being used and gradually requires increased amounts to reproduce the effects originally produced by smaller doses.
Learning the actual definition of addiction then led me to another term: withdrawal
I had to dig a little more to find how it applies to me and THE PROCESS…
- Discontinuation of the use of an addictive substance.
- The physiological and mental readjustment that accompanies such discontinuation.
- Discontinuation of the use of an addictive substance. The symptoms of withdrawal include headache, diarrhea, and tremors and can range from mild to life threatening, depending on the extent of the body’s reliance on the addictive substance.
Whew… I’m wiping the sweat off my brow in thanks for not experiencing any diarrhea. I’m also not experiencing any headaches or tremors but I can plainly feel that I’m ANXIOUS.
Or am I?
- full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune; greatly worried; solicitous.
- characterized by extreme uneasiness of mind or brooding fearabout some contingency.
- Earnestly desirous; as, anxious to please.
Now I’m confused… I feel anxious but I’m not feeling any distress or uneasiness. No fear of danger or misfortune. Not worried. No fear and one thing I can absolutely attest to — I’m not desirous.
Hmmm. Am I anxious to please? Maybe.
But who?
Today, the first time in a very long time, I’m MOTHERFUCKING FREE and it feels not unlike when I was FREE from another career I was involved in some ten years ago. Back then however, I was anxious because I had made a decision about what I was going to do for a living and from that decision, I was unsure where my next bowl of Top Ramen was coming from… LOL.
I can choose one of three story ideas for my next project and it’s that strange concept of actually having a “choice” that’s giving me the butterflies… In a perfect world, I’d like to work on all three at the same time but I attempted that at one point a few years ago and it just didn’t pan out for me. I’ve heard and read of other people doing it but I am after all — HUMAN. LOL. I am limited by my own strengths and WEAKNESSES of organization and focus so ONE concept it will have to be.
Ah… But which one? The one that pleases ME the most.
I guess instead of chasing the dragon, I’m chasing the process…
How do YOU deal with screenplay addiction?
Unk
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14 Responses to “Chasing the process”
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WelcomeFUCKINGback!!! LOL
It’s nice coming on here and not having to look at that dude smoke that cancer-stick!!! I like changes! :)
I don’t have an addiction. I don’t have one! Not a fucking one!!! Back off would ya?!?!
I think I’m in denial right now. Is this AA for the screenwriters??? Where do I sign up?
Unk,
I feel you. Addiction is the word I use as well. It’s funny, when I finish a script and let it settle, I always take a little while before I start the next one, to let it get out of my system and to also choose the next project that feels right.
But it’s weird what happens to me. I start to change. People around me make comments about how I am kind of grouchy, or not myself. And it’s true, until I start to work on another script again, I am not myself. It affects me. So I couldn’t quit screenwriting if I even wanted to, because I am just not myself without it.
So I just keep writing. I’m only as good as my last script, right?
Scott
Unk,
Glad you’re back. And here I thought you were sitting around procrastinating ;-)
Is breathing an addiction? Try to kick that habit and see where it leads. The only difference between breathing and writing for me is this: I think about writing.
Earlier this week — while at my day job — I found myself in a FUNK and decided this writing shit wasn’t for me. That afternoon I was at the bookstore scribbling away on my trusty yellow-legal pad.
I guess thinking about the process of writing is kind’ a like being conscious of your breathing when meditating. It’s still automatic, but controlled and without that ‘process’ you can never get into that meditative state. And for me that is what writing is: a meditative state. At least when it is going well. You get lost. Ideas flow. And when you finish you feel great.
And ready for another fix.
Keep Writing,
Mike
Addiction. An interesting topic. I’m addicted to all things cinema. I’ve probably read enough to get a degree.
You’re lucky though with being able to work on one project. I tried that and it was a disaster. Sometimes I just need to add some pages to something I’m not as invested in. Or maybe I’ll think of a great next line or scene.
But I do religiously follow the path in the picture. Maybe I’m addicted to structured attempts. I ALWAYS write down notes and map out scenes. I even picture the room.
I’m totally torn right now though cause I love writing software as much as images. I’ve got about six months at my current assignment and I’ll either move to LA with my company or without.
I get so many networking emails, I’m starting to feel like I’m slacking by staying in NYC.
Lucky. You actually get paid to do it.
I’m addicted too. I get a fix and less than thirty seconds later I want another … breath.
Maybe writing is like breathing for you.
Peace,
Rob:-]
Sometimes we have to take a step back and look at our priorities.
In order to do that we have to stop doing stuff and just sit with it.
You’re right, the process can become a neurotic compulsion. But it only really becomes neurotic when it prevents us from doing the right thing.
It’s in the nature of addiction that they are places to hide… generally from ourselves.
The advantage of theories and processes is they give us the belief that the writing can be tamed… that it can become automatic, controllable. The only problem is that 60% of the process isn’t working at a conscious level… there is more to writing than the intellectual tools we adopt.
So, how do we beat addiction… well, by not using a day at a time.
If the writing is addictive, it’s no longer constructive. Addictions only ever serve the addiction and not the person or the art.
Time to take a break would be my advice.
I am NOT dealing with it. At all. I need a group.
I see an addiction as not being able to leave something alone. It overtakes your thoughts and your overall life serves the addiction. That to me is the ultimate issue: Your overall life serves the addiction.
Reminds me of the post I wrote comparing a writing addiction to a crack pipe. We all have addictions of one kind or another. Better writing than something dangerous to our health or safety. (Got some flack about that post, too, from a guy who thought me out of line for calling writing an addiction)
Exactly why I don’t try sudoku. I’d replace breathing with it, and that wouldn’t last long. Taking differential equations in college I dreamt about them I was so addicted. Like a Charlie Eppes (Numb3rs) mutant.
MaryAn’s write (sic). At least addiction to screenwriting is on the creative end of the spectrum.
Now leave me alone, I have to get back to my screenplay.
Others’ input.
It helps a lot. It doesn’t seem to at first like three years ago when I was working on one and I only gave chunks of the story (a scene each act) and the person gave it back to me with so many red pen marks I thought it was an F– test paper!
I didn’t like that at the time. It is now, I know cruel and verbally abusive. I made changes over the next few years. . . and I learned the art of good REwriting.
Rewriting is good. But not addictions (I. E. Me, and a friend separately). Stay away. The best bet.
God IS AWESOME ##____
Do you like to read?
I like it though don’t read as much now.
Reading keeps the mind going and the Content
should be left to the writer and is not always
good. No lust Yes Life.
Putting four or so projects on a “temporary stop” or on “hiatus.” . . . :)
IT HELPS A LOT.
Want to start a web log (blog), as so many others have done.
It may be soon or five to a week from now. I have no clue.
Remember the good times over the bad. Laugh about the funny things.
c. s.
Temptation is a step to change. Giving in to it is not. But remember that God is just one step away after telling Him that you want to change and stay away from that. God always forgives.
Was looking at a picture of a Lamp or lighthouse.
It is beautiful.