Screenwriting rules…
It recently dawned on me that there are those out there that have hardcore screenwriting rules so I took an hour break from my rewrite to see if there were any really GOOD SCREENWRITING RULES out there.
I know, I know… I always say THERE ARE NO RULES! But let’s face it… THERE ARE. Some are meant to be broken… Some are meant to be broken when you have the expertise to skillfully break them…
But just like having a road map sitting on the dash during a road trip across several states, it’s always nice to have a set of rules handy and then, after reading them, DECIDE whether or not you should go ahead and BREAK it.
I didn’t find much but here’s what I found:
Thirteen Screenwriting Rules That Can Never Be Broken (except when they’re broken really well)
Screenwriting - How to Write A Copper Bottom Real Life Work of Shattering Genius in Ten Easy Steps
Make Your D2DVD Script a Movie
What I’d like to do is create a separate page of screenwriting rules THAT MAKE FUCKING SENSE here on the blog but instead of just making them up, I thought it might be cool to compile them from anyone and everyone that’s willing to toss them my way…
So if YOU have ONE OR MORE screenwriting rules that make sense; should more or less be followed; don’t mind sharing it here, GIVE IT UP! What I’ll do is post the rules on a separate page and give YOU credit by linking the rule back to your site. Additionally, I’ll compile them in a PDF document WITH LINKS that everyone can post on their site to give away…
Kind of a SCRIBOSPHERE project if you will… We all benefit. Visitors come to the site — download the PDF file — read it — share it with their friends — visit a lot of the sites inside the document — TRAFFIC.
Since this would most likely be an ONGOING project, I’ll go ahead and make a static page called RULES… Just post YOUR rule in the comments section there… When we finally stop getting rules, I’ll modify the page and create the PDF…
The question is…
ARE YOU GAME or ARE YOU LAME?
And before you get all pushed out of shape because I intimated that you’d be lame if you didn’t contribute…
It’s a joke.
Unk
Tags: blogging about screenwriting screenwriting secrets of screenwriting The Unknown Screenwriter Unk rules of screenwriting screenwriting rules
28 days later…
Holy shit! Today is my lucky fucking day! I open up my email and there it is boys and girls… An email telling me to go to the following site: MovieInAMonth.com — and away I go…
My mind is spinning… Here I am on a rewrite that I’ve been literally working on for MONTHS and MONTHS and then someone drops the secret to writing a screenplay in 28 days (or less!) in my fucking lap! Ah… The screenwriting Gods are definitely smiling down on me! A quick click on over to MovieInAMonth.com gets me salivating in mere seconds!
Five minutes? Hell yeah, I have five minutes! Shit, take ten minutes! Sell it to Hollywood? BIG MONEY? Thank you, Screenwriting Gods!
Then the letter to ME… Well, not ME personally but almost me… They sent ME an email, right? That must mean I’m their friend… So yeah, the letter is to ME…
These people REALLY UNDERSTAND writers! This must be ONE HELL OF A PRODUCT! Even my enemies are going to appreciate MY talent! Where do I fuckin’ SIGN?????
Big, fat, healthy wads of cash? Shit! Where would I put it all? Celebrity parties in both Hollywood AND London? I am SO FUCKING THERE… Those are some pretty fuckin’ cool bennies that I WILL be enjoying in just ONE MONTH FROM NOW.
Hold it… I thought it was 28 days?
No matter… Two extra days never killed anyone… Let’s move on…
James Lamberg? Cool. Let’s head on over to IMDB and see what James has done… A quick search of James Lamberg reveals… Hmmm. Nothing. That’s gotta be a mistake. Oh yeah, he’s also GHOST-WRITTEN over fifty screenplays… Cool. No problem then. He likes his privacy. I can hang with that.
Mark Lewin? Steven Wanamaker? Outstanding! Uh… Who are they again? Bam! Back over to IMDB with a quick search of Mark Lewin… Hmmm. Looks like Mark starred in a movie called STARRCADE as himself… Hmmm. STARRCADE was written by Dory Funk Jr. and Dusty Rhodes. Hmmm. Looks like these guys are professional wrestlers… Cool! Pro wrestlers are going to REVEAL the SECRETS of SCREENWRITING in 28 DAYS to me! How can I fucking MISS????? Hey, Dusty Rhodes sounds like a ghostwriter …
Steven Wanamaker? Better look ol’ Steve up on IMDB too… Hmmm. Nothing there. Fuck it. These guys just don’t want a bunch of publicity like me… They like their privacy. I can hang with that…
A screenplay is a movie script? Holy shit! This site is chock full of information! Too fuckin’ cool. I’m glad they pointed that out because I’ve always wondered if I was a screenplay writer, movie script writer, writer, or SCREENWRITER. I guess I’m ALL THE ABOVE! Thanks guys!
Wow… A TESTIMONIAL from Nick Daws ! Let’s read it:
Wow! No wonder Nick wrote them a testimonial… Check out Nick’s own writing course: Write Any Book in 28 Days or Less! So am I getting this straight? For just under $150.00, I can write both a screenplay AND a fuckin’ book in 28 days or less? I wonder if I bought both courses if I could write BOTH a screenplay AND a book in 28 days or less or do I have to write one first (in 28 days or less) and then the other? Fuck it… 56 days is NOTHING for FAME, POWER, APPRECIATION, and a buttload of er, ah… Wad of cash!
Hmmm. Interesting… Both web sites use the same “DEAR FRIEND” image:
Oh… I get it… James must have hit Nick up for the image to save money… That fuckin’ Nick is pretty fuckin’ cool… A testimonial AND an image off his own web site! Us writers have to stick together I guess… Or is it us movie script writers… Or is it us screenplay writers… Or is it just us writers or us screenwriters? Who cares? It’s gettin’ so good that I just wanna scroll down to the bottom of the site and click the purchase button… $97 ain’t shit when you consider all that appreciation you’re gonna get.
But no… $97 is still a lot of money… That’s a LOT of Americanos at my favorite coffee shop. Let’s see… $97 divided by $1.86 = 52 Americanos! I drink at least two Americanos every visit… That’s 26 coffee shop visits worth of Americanos… Hmmm. Maybe I better read a little more…
Uh-oh… Now they’re starting to SCARE ME!
WHEW! Okay… For a minute there I thought I was gonna have to STOP writing screenplays… Whew! Now they’re back to talking MY LANGUAGE: WRITING MOVIES IS QUICK AND EASY!! Pardon me while I stand up a do a little fuckin’ JIG now… Twirling… Spinning… Very cool. Okay… Let’s keep going…
WTF? It took me ALL THIS TIME to figure out that I’ve been doing it all wrong for the last ten fuckin’ years! Dialogue????? The vast majority of a movie script is dialogue? No wonder it took me ten fuckin’ years to sell a screenplay. SHIT! I don’t write screenplays with a vast majority of dialogue! Wow. Another secret revealed and yet I haven’t even purchased a fuckin’ thing yet!
Stone? Shit! Another secret revealed! The RULES ARE SET IN STONE! Shit! You’re fuckin’ killin’ me, James…
There’s that VAST MAJORITY thing again… Whew. Am I glad I read that fuckin’ email… This is going to save me so much time and effort! No more writing LOSER SCRIPTS for me! Thank you Screenwriting Gods! How can I miss? STEP-BY-STEP, GUARANTEED TO WORK PROCESS… My heart is beating so fast I can barely stand it… And he’s willing to SHARE for only $97! Time for another little jig… Twirling… Spinning. Oh yeah.
Another testimonial:
I guess Dr. Harris hasn’t gone the full 28 days yet… Pretty nice of her to write a testimonial even BEFORE the 28 days were up. Fuckin’ cool!
Hold the fuckin’ phone James! Five words?
I am totally fucking STUNNED myself! I’m NOT WORTHY…
Shit! Where are the five words? Do I just pick a random five from the above quotes? Or are these five words in the course? Shit. Three days to write ROCKY? Hmmm. A quick Google search leads me to this page:
Where the guy in the audience who posted the above web page reviewed the movie and the Q & A that followed:
Okay, so maybe Sly lied to James way back when… It happens… After all — he is Sly… But WAIT! It’s in Wikipedia SO IT MUST BE TRUE! So is James going to give me Sly’s secret to writing a script in three days? Or, did James slam Sly’s secret together with HIS SECRET and instead of making it sound TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, he’s giving me 28 days to write a three day screenplay?
I’m confused but he’s GOT ME… I’m HOOKED! Gots to read on…
A testimonial from a screenwriter in Florida:
I looked Kelly Schweter up on IMDB but no luck… She did say she sold her screenplays to local companies however… Moving on…
Now we’re gettin’ somewhere! James finally names some of the movies he’s done… Let’s check them out on IMDB:
Hmmm. The closest I can find to BLUE LAKE is BLUE LAKE MASSACRE and BLUE LIKE ISOLATION but those are being made in 2007. Nope… Written by Michael Paloma and Justin D. Hilliard… Something tells me James Lamberg isn’t GHOSTING as either one of these guys… Hmmm. Hey WAIT! Maybe this is it:
Naaah… Damn. What about a search for IF I ONLY HAD THE COURAGE… Nope. Nothing there either. How about UNCERTAIN ANCESTRY… Crap. Nothing. These movies gotta be big since James mentions them on the web site, right? What’s next? LEWIN’S BASKET and FAKELORE ?
Still nothing… But HEY! Maybe LEWIN’S BASKET has something to do with Mark Lewin mentioned above… Let’s go back to that search… No… Nothing there but since Mr. Lewin played himself in STARRCADE, I’m assuming he plays himself in LEWIN’S BASKET? So he’s kinda like Billy Bob Thornton… He writes AND acts! But who cares about that? I think I’m finally getting the picture. This stuff IS SO DAMN SECRET that the only way to get it is to pay for it… Cool!
Okay… That explains the “Dear Friend” image… Whew. I think we’re finally getting to the NITTY-GRITTY here… James is going to SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT! I’m ALL FOR THAT. Wow… Then he started COLLATING his industry secrets. That means there’s more than one, right? Fuckin’ cool!
“I wanted to take the MYTH out of Hollywood - and inject PURE FACTS.”
Pure facts… So refreshing to hear. So many screenwriting books, gurus, workshops, screenwriters, courses, etc. tell us this stuff ain’t easy… So what I gather, it is totally fuckin’ EASY as long as you JUST FOLLOW THE FORMULA James Lamberg gives you!
Hurray! Can’t help it… Another jig… Twirling… Spinning.
Whew… Reading this?
“It contains some of the most AMAZING, MYTH-BLOWING SCREENWRITING SECRETS EVER REVEALED. It tells you the TRUTH - and it shows you EXACTLY how to get your screenplay onto the SCREEN in RECORD TIME.”
Shit! There’s even SPECIAL bonuses! ‘Kay… I’m HOLDING ONTO MY HAT… Whoa. Wait a second… Did I read that right?
“One month after we were commissioned, I finished creating the book.”
Damn! THAT IS FAST! I guess he bought Nick Daws book BEFORE he wrote HIS BOOK! Are YOU getting the picture here????
Yes, I am ready to begin experiencing HUGE success as a screenwriter… Yes, I would like to tap into over THIRTY YEARS of combined experience, from THREE prolific screenwriters - and discover how to attend the premiere of MY movie, in the QUICKEST TIME POSSIBLE!
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah! Show me the motherfuckin’ MONEY!
150 pages? WOW! More secrets than I’ve EVER READ in all my SO-CALLED “SCREENWRITING” books? This IS RAW! This is TRUTH… I CAN FEEL IT! Praise the Screenwriting Lord!
And NOW for the list of SECRETS!
Holy shit! The secrets… THE SECRETS! I get to learn all the above for a MERE $97? I’m almost positive no other so-called screenwriting book is going to reveal the SINGLE ITEM that all successful screenwriters have on them at all times - even (or perhaps especially!) at Hollywood parties…
WOW!
FOUR WAYS to pit my characters against each other? That’s ALL I NEED? WOW! My mind is reeling… I’m having a fucking anxiety attack as I type this… I got GOOSEBUMPS! So many secrets FOR SO LITTLE MONEY!
Are you SHITTIN’ ME? There’s MORE? More secrets? MORE SECRETS? WOW!
I gotta be HONEST… I’ve never seen so many SECRETS! This course REALLY DOES REVEAL EVERYTHING! The ABSOLUTE TRUTH behind Hollywood? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP! Producers will be BEGGING to produce my script? Query letter secrets… Scene secrets… FOUR MAJOR TURNING POINTS that I MUST have in my story… S.P.O.T. Come on SPOT! Here boy! This is just too fucking UNREAL. My head is spinning. All the work I’ve done… All the studying… All the money I THREW away on the gurus… The workshops… The books… The magazines… The scribosphere… LOL.
DOWN THE FUCKIN’ DRAIN…
I’m soooo D-I-Z-Z-Y… But WAIT! There’s MORE. MORE? No way can there be EVEN MORE but there is!
IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER! Industry jargon… Formatting like a PRO… YEAH YEAH YEAH — GIMME GIMME GIMME.
This month?
I think they call that, “IMPENDING DOOM!” So if I don’t buy this month; no little black book? That WOULD TOTALLY FUCKING SUCK. I gotta have that little black book. Whew… My mind is soaring… Can you imagine all the industry contacts that “could be” in that little black book? Fuck yeah! Why hasn’t someone revealed these secrets SOONER? Maybe THIS is part of the new SCREENWRITING REVOLUTION!
Uh-oh.
There’s more… Yup. BONUSES if YOU order BEFORE MIDNIGHT TODAY! Holy shit… How can I afford NOT to order? Take a look at these bonuses:
Over 250 screenplays AND screenplay writing software? How can they do that? HOW CAN THEY DO THAT? And check out the software… “perhaps the world’s most popular screenwriting software.”
Perhaps?
SUPER BONUS #2: 850+ BIG BUCKS MOVIE SCRIPTS! Whoohoo! 850 screenplays… Why that’s almost worth the $97 ALL BY ITSELF! CH-CHING! Where do I sign? WHERE DO I FUCKIN’ SIGN????
BANG! POW! SLAP! Holy fuckin’ black book, BATMAN… I’ve always suspected that UCLA was highly overrated… And screenwriting classes in Chicago? Get REAL!
Well I’ve been in some flea-ridden motels… So yeah… This is just about the same fuckin’ price AS STAYING A COUPLE OF NIGHTS IN A FLEA-RIDDEN MOTEL! Who knew? The CHALLENGE… ONE decent screenwriter willing to give me JUST AN HOUR of his (or her) time for $97. Hard to argue with the RAW TRUTH…
Hmmm. And this price must be some kind of new deal since it’s the LOWEST THEY’VE EVER OFFERED THE ENTIRE COURSE!! Amazing! Like I said, the Screenwriting Gods must have been gazing down my way today… I must be one of the luckiest screenwriters in the world to have received that email… And what’s more… I have no fuckin’ clue how I got on their LIST!
HOW FUCKIN’ LUCKY IS THAT?
And check out this GUARANTEE:
So that’s it then… In ONE MEASLEY YEAR, you SHOULD be able to write 13 (thirteen) screenplays! 365 days (one year) divided by 28 = 13 and some change… Well, I know we’re all busy… So let’s just say you only write ten (10) screenplays within the year… Hell, some of us are really really slow so let’s just say you walk away with five (5) screenplays at the end of the year…
CH-CHING! And, if you don’t sell the damn things, YOU GET YOUR MONEY BACK FROM James Lamberg! How can I lose on this deal? Am I just a mutton-head or is this THE GREATEST FUCKIN’ THING TO HIT THE SCREENWRITING WORLD EVER?????
Geez… He even says it AGAIN:
I think WE ALL NEED TO STAND UP AND DANCE A LITTLE JIG! Twirling… Spinning… Fuck it… One more twirl! Yeah, Baby… Get some! I guess now it’s time to buy… I don’t know… I DON’T KNOW… What should I do? I guess I need to THINK about it some more… Yeah — that’s it. Whew! It’s not really the money… I’m just not sure I can stand the pressure of several movie contracts in ONE YEAR’S TIME!
But hey… I’m an entrepreneur… If any of YOU want to go ahead and purchase… Feel free to click on the button below. It’s embedded with my own affiliate link so if only a couple of you out there decide to buy, I’ll get mine FREE! Come on… Don’t I deserve it for bringing this course to your attention?
Don’t I?
Unk
EDIT: I just realized that I totally forgot to mention that James Lamberg says in his Sylvestor Stallone headline:
“These FIVE WORDS Changed My Writing Career!
Here’s What SYLVESTER STALLONE Told Me in Los Angeles –
And Why You REALLY SHOULD Follow His Advice!”
Cool… No problem there… LOL. But right underneath THAT he writes:
“In March 1992, I met Sylvester Stallone during the launch of Planet Hollywood in London.”
So which is it James????? Los Angeles or London? I guess it doesn’t matter… LOL. Just thought I’d mention it… Wonder how long it’ll take to get changed?
Tags: 28 Days Later AMAZING MYTH-BLOWING SCREENWRITING SECRETS EVER REVEALED Americanos Blue Lake dialogue Fakelore ghostwriter Hollywood Florida If I Only Had The Courage James Lamberg Kelly Schweter Lewin’s Basket LOSER scripts Mark Lewin movie contract Movie in a Month movie script Movie Works Nick Daws Rocky Rocky Balboa S.P.O.T. screenwriting screenwriting course Screenwriting Gods secrets of screenwriting Sly Sly Stallone so-called screenwriting books Stallone STEP-BY-STEP GUARANTEED TO WORK PROCESS Steven Wanamaker Suzanne Harris Sylvestor Stallone The Unknown Screenwriter three prolific screenwriters Uncertain Ancestry Unk unknown screenwriter vast majority of scripts write a screenplay in 28 days Write Your Screenplay in 28 Days or Less!
Joe Eszterhas talks about his book and screenwriting in general…
Joe Eszterhas discusses his new book The Devil’s Guide to Hollywood: The Screenwriter as God — worth watching if you have the time. 58 minutes total… If not, you can watch it in chunks… LOL.
Unk
Tags: Joe Eszterhas screenwriting screenwriter interview screenwriter The Devil’s Guide to Hollywood: The Screenwriter as God