Screenwriters are LAZY!

 

Spec scripts for sale

If I’ve heard this once, I’ve heard it at least fifteen times this year…

Screenwriters are LAZY.

Who’s telling me this?

Producers.

Why are they telling me this?

Because it’s true?

Before you take me out of context, let me explain… It seems that more than a few Producers out there would LOVE to purchase the next hot spec screenplay but there’s only one problem…

Shhh. Nobody wants you to know.

It’s that screenwriters are becoming script doctors. That’s right… The overwhelming majority of pro screenwriters seem to be script doctoring a hell of a lot more than writing a new spec every now and then.

Why?

Money. Why else? Why write something on spec that has no guarantee of selling when you can take that tasty scriptdoctoring job that puts money in the bank almost immediately?

Which totally reminds me of a discussion I attended years ago at the Austin Film Festival where Lawrence Kasdan was on the panel… While I can’t remember exactly what he said, I do remember the GIST…

Screenwriters who can knock out a spec every year or two IN ADDITION to taking on the scriptdoctoring assignments are the screenwriters that are really going to go somewhere in this business.

I’m literally amazed at the amount of scriptdoctoring gigs out there when I take a look at various hotsheets from time to time… Which is why so many films end up with ten plus screenwriters on them.

The moral of the story?

Keep writing specs… Even IF they’re not high concept and don’t sell TODAY, these could be money in the bank for you later on down the line after you break in.

Because YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK IN, AREN’T YOU?

Unk

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Love you guys…

A Shot ScriptUPDATE!

Wow. I just keep pissing people off… LOL. I open my email just now (1745) to a boatload of email of pissed off screenwriters who don’t think you should ever pay for an analyst.

Since I really don’t have the time to answer all the email:

First of all, REREAD the post. I never said EVERYONE SHOULD HIRE AN ANALYST. Second, read the comments and my reply to Laura. Geez. I really get under your skin, HUH?

GOOD.

Third, here’s an alternative to hiring an analyst:

Here’s the guy’s site:

One last thing for you screenwriters in the U.K. — Clive from over at says that U.K. based writers qualify for FREE Professional script notes/reports from their local Arts Council Film section.

Amazing.

Love you guys… LOL.

Unk

How much would you spend to make a million dollars?

Half a million? A hundred thousand? Ten thousand dollars? A grand?

You tell me.

I’ve recently had several conversations as well as emails about .

The general question being… ARE THEY WORTH THE MONEY?

Right off the bat I would have to say, ABSOLUTELY.

Assuming you find one worth a shit.

Think about it… You’re a screenwriter in the middle of America. Some city or town where there’s no way you’re going to find somebody else in your town that’s as passionate about screenwriting as you are. You’ve even tried starting a writer’s group.

Nobody showed. Been there — done that.

What the hell do you do?

Pull out the plastic.

Now before you go off half-cocked and say, “Fuck you, Unk! I don’t have the money to spend on a script analysis!” — My question is this… How can you afford NOT to?

I contend that the sooner you start treating screenwriting like the business that it is, the sooner you’re gonna have a screenplay that sells.

No. Of course purchasing the services of a screenwriting analyst doesn’t guarantee you a sale but what the hell do you do when you don’t have anyone worth a shit that can read your screenplay? I always know I can count on my Mommy to tell me how great a writer I am… She’s my Mommy!

Hollywood AIN’T YOUR MOMMY.

And please don’t tell me that this is why you enter screenwriting contests… LOL. I think we’ve covered that pretty well.

Some of the problems I see are as follows…

  1. HOW MUCH ARE YOU WILLING TO SPEND?
  2. WHICH ANALYSTS ARE WORTH A SHIT?
  3. CAN YOU LEARN ANYTHING FROM THE EXPERIENCE OF HIRING AN ANALYST?
  4. DO YOU HAVE A CONCEPT THAT’S WORTH HIRING AN ANALYST FOR?
  5. ARE YOU FOR REAL?

Now don’t get me wrong… I’m sure you have a few other questions you can add to the list…

So add ‘em.

Let’s take these one by one…

1) HOW MUCH ARE YOU WILLING TO SPEND?

Sure, selling a screenplay is numbers game… We all know that but YOU DO KNOW that most screenplays aren’t even worth reading, don’t you? In fact, I keep reading numbers from people that are certainly “in the know” that hover right around 98%.

Think about that… 98% of the screenplays written out there are SHIT. I like that number. I like that percentage. Why? Because that tells me that I have astronomically increased my odds of selling a screenplay if it falls within that 2% that isn’t SHIT.

Can we agree on that? Good. Let’s move on…

So let’s assume you can find a script analyst that IS worth a shit. Let’s further assume that since he or she is worth a shit, they can help get you and your script into that 2% within the next year as long as you’re willing to put forth the effort.

How much would that be worth to you?

I don’t know about you but to me, it’s no different than spending money to go to college… Spending money to go into business.

If you were going to open up your own small business… Say a restauarant and all you expected to make the first year (if anything) was say $100K, how much would you be willing to risk to go into that business?

Maybe that’s not a good analogy. A lot of people shy away from starting their own business because they’re afraid of failure… Afraid of the risk.

Say what?

Hmmm. Maybe starting a small business IS a little like screenwriting after all.

Most screenwriting analysts seem to charge anywhere from $250 all the way up to several thousand dollars. Let’s say for a $1000 a screenplay, you could, over the next five years, tweak five screenplays so they ALL fall into that lucrative 2%. A total layout of $5K.

$5K and you’ve got 5 screenplays THAT YOU WROTE that could very likely get your foot in the door.

Would that be worth it to you?

I’m laughing now because I KNOW there’s some of you out there reading this and wondering what I’m trying to sell you.

NOTHING. Nada. Zilch. Squat.

Okay, scratch that. I’m trying to sell you on YOURSELF. Put your money where your mouth is. If your screenplay is so great, why aren’t you either sending it out OR getting someone to help you make it better?

What if I told you that I know five best-selling authors who ROUTINELY pay a private editor $350K to go through every new book they write BEFORE it hits the publisher?

Food for thought — nothing else.

2) WHICH ANALYSTS ARE WORTH A SHIT?

YOW! This is a tough one. This is where the RISK comes in. Who do you go to? Who do you trust to help get you get your script into that 2%?

First thing I’d want to see is a analyst’s track record…

Have they recently written and sold a screenplay themselves OR have they been an analyst to a screenwriter that has? This would definitely require some research on your part but again, it’s not so much the money it’s gonna cost as much as it is the expertise of the analyst.

magazine has done a pretty good job of so that might be a good place to start or you can even cut right to the chase:

I would also add that if it were ME, I wouldn’t even consider sending a screenplay to an analyst until I was totally fucking happy with it. That means several drafts down the road after having made complete passes for all the usual bullshit.

3) CAN YOU LEARN ANYTHING FROM THE EXPERIENCE OF HIRING AN ANALYST?

Again to my way of thinking, one of the major reasons to consider hiring an analyst is so that you can FINALLY see the kinds of problems the industry finds with the shitty 98%. Learn about the kinds of questions you have to ask about your work. Get knocked off your pedestal and find out where you really stand… Of course this once again assumes that you find an analyst worth a shit.

Sometimes, simply talking to someone who really truly knows something about screenwriting can really open your eyes when it comes to your own writing and unless you can count on an industry pro or two to lend you a hand, shelling out the bucks to hire an analyst just might be the way to go.

4) DO YOU HAVE A CONCEPT THAT’S WORTH HIRING AN ANALYST FOR?

Now we’re back to the worm farm debutante scenario… I read a lot of screenplays and FULLY 75% of those scripts do not have high concepts. Some are well written but what’s the point if you can’t turn it into a film? I’ve always been of the opinion that I would rather keep my own worm farm debutante concepts (yeah, I have a few) in my back pocket until that day comes along that I have enough power to go ahead and indulge myself with the writing of such a screenplay and the making of such a film. In other words, if you really love that concept and you really feel that it needs to be made, why not stick it on the back burner until YOU can get it made.

OR

If you must purge it from your body, mind, spirit, and soul… By all means WRITE IT! Just be realistic about the material and getting it sold but an analyst to help you with it? I’d have to think about that one.

So how do you know if you have a concept worth hiring an analyst for? Hopefully, you’ve already asked yourself this question before sitting down to write the screenplay. Pretty simple really… Just create the logline and pitch it to everyone you know… Everyone you meet. Strangers even. You’ll know pretty quick whether your concept is something someone will pay money to see.

5) ARE YOU FOR REAL?

Yeah, are YOU? I think you really have to ask yourself this question and be really honest with the answer. If you’re just doing this to pass the time… No problem. Tell yourself that. Keep asking yourself this question until one day the answer to yourself is “Yes, by God, I AM FOR REAL.”

Then go ahead and GET REAL.

ADDITIONAL OBSERVATIONS

At the very minimum, I would think one would want some or notes on what they’ve written unless of course you’re already involved with other screenwriters that can help you out with that. From my own perusal of the scribosphere, there’s a couple of screenwriters willing to do that for you on the cheap:

Screenplay Services

from Scott the Reader *NOTE: Looks like he’s not doing them right now but probably worth an email.

There’s also and . I’m a member of both and while I have yet to read a script on TriggerStreet, I have read and critiqued quite a few on Zoetrope although I never felt comfortable enough with either system to upload my own material. Maybe I’m too skeptical but I work just as hard on my concepts as I do on the screenwriting itself and let’s face it…

There’s ALWAYS a FASTER GUN out there.

Unk

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